My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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