dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
