i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
