And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
