JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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