Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
