Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
