If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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