this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
