So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
