so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize