Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
