Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
