No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
