i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
