my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
