i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize