You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
