Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
