trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
