I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
