Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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