Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
