We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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