I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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