it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize