you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
