Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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