I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
