just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
