SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
