she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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