I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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