Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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