i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
