I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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