wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
