So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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