I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
