dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
