i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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