Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
