No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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