i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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