He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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