Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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