im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
