Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
