Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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