How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
