I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
