Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
