where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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