They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
