remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
