Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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