You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I pour the whiskey from now on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
