Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
