they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
