I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
