you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
