More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
soo... how was my night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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