As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
