No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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