I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
