Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That's intense
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
