like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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