Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
