Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
