if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
