I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
