Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
