Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize