I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
