you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
