erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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