I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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