and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
