i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
