he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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