His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
