No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
