All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize