omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize