i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
