everyone is single if you try hard enough
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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