The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
