12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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