everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
