I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
