your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
