I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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