I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
