I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
