I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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