shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
