at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
