Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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