Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize